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 My hollowfication (Part 2)

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roshie

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Male Number of posts : 39
Age : 27
Location : mars
Registration date : 2009-08-05

PostSubject: My hollowfication (Part 2)   Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:23 am

The bells rang out into the crimson sky, as the moon shone its scarlet light over city. Soldiers and civilians ran about, the panic and fear engraved in each face. I took up my post on the palace roof, my squad already there waiting for my orders. I looked out towards the horizon, a sea of steel and iron reflecting the moons scarlet glow creating a sea of blood. War was upon us.

I yelled orders to my squad of elites, each one given his duties and told how to organise their men. For an army to attack my home, I shall make them pay for such idiocy The orders had been given and now it was just a matter of waiting. From what I could see through the darkness this would not be an easy battle, and with the wrong strategy could spell disaster for the country. I watched carefully as everything was put into place, the battalions each moving quickly into their given positions and the line of oil and straw was lit in front of the archers,

The following minutes seemed like a silent eternity, the calm before the storm stretched out to make every motion seem slow and sluggish. It was just a matter of time before they were in range of the archers, and the battle would begin. The opposing army marched closer and closer to the outer markers I ordered to be placed at the archers max range only weeks before. Two small wooden huts, once they passed them it would begin.

I counted down in my head as the first few trickles of the crimson sea seeped past the wooden structures in the distance. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 “IGNITE!” I yelled down to the western wall of archers giving them a second to react before I roared “FIRE AT WILL” The sky lit up again and again as fire rained down around the wooden huts, each arrow hitting its mark.

And now for the charge. I thought as I heard an echoing roar from the distance, the steadily flowing crimson sea now becoming a vast tidal wave ready to crash upon the city. I had given my orders, all I could do now was join the fray and trust my squad could handle anything unexpected on their end.

As I jumped down onto the lower balcony beneath me I caught a glimpse of a shadow slithering across the roof of the opposite building. I quickly looked up and grabbed an arrow from my quiver, C civilians are in the keep and the soldiers are in battle....ASSASSIN! It hit me what a brilliant strategy my opponent as used. Using the battle as a distraction for the entire military, while going straight for the emperor. It didn’t matter if they lost or won the battle, their only target was the emperor.

I quickly pursued the cloaked figure over the rooftops, waiting for the perfect time to strike. His movements were swift and flowing, it seemed to knew exactly where he was going and the best way to get there. NOW I took the shot, my arrow flying perfectly towards the centre of his back as he leaped from the roof to the entrance of the emperors quarters.

“Is that it?” He said in a voice barely loud enough for me to hear.

He swiftly ducked and slid to his right milliseconds after landing, the arrow piercing deep into the oak floor. He truly is skilled, I thought to myself, knowing this battle would be very difficult. I landed a couple of meters ahead of him, between him and his goals, Bows and Arrows were useless against him at this point. I’d have to rely on my hand to hand skills.

“You’re in my way” He chuckled to himself as he drew a Watashi from behind his cloak.

I did not reply, I felt it pointless to involve myself with idle chatter with my opponent. I drew my Katana and attacked. My katana felt effortless to use, it’s lightness only matched by its strength. I sliced and stabbed towards him, each one narrowly missing as he dodged fluently. I did not want to give him a chance to attack, I had to use my combination of attacks to find an opening .

“How rude” He muttered below his breath, “Not even giving me a chance to counter, that is one nice blade you have there”

His motions were well thought out and synchronized into a single flowing motion, he didn’t leave any angle unchecked or any gap unprotected. He was truly at a level I only saw on rare occasions. I Jumped back a few feet and rethought my strategy His defence is perfect, but how does his offense match up.

“Now you want me to attack?” He asked with a smirk on his face. “I will give you credit, you are the toughest opponent I have seen in a while. You don’t waste any movements and your strength and speed and top class. But just to let you know, i would do anything to complete my mission” He sprung forward his watashi held firm in his right hand. His attacks felt like I was being attacked by several different opponents, each lunge, slice, stab felt completely unique as if it was coming from a different person, making it difficult to read.

“Good” he said, in a toying manner “But it is over”

For a second I saw an opening and took it. Knowing he was probably ready to counter I prepared myself to take a blow, knowing if I hit my mark he would take a fatal wound. Time seemed to slow as I ducked under his watashi and plunged my Katana into his chest. Suddenly I felt the steel of his blade slice into my side, embedding itself at the bottom. Nothing fatal, he missed my organs. I felt relieved but at the same time this all felt a bit too easy.

“I told you it was over” He whispered in my ear as he grabbed my shoulders. “Take the shot”

I felt confused at what he said, but the confusion only lasted seconds. An arrow pierce into my neck from behind and it suddenly became clear...He wasn’t alone. Our bodies both fell to the floor at the same time, his face with a huge grin wiped across it. It seemed quiet, the roaring battle in the distance seemed nothing but a faint whisper of the past.

I had failed. That was all I could think about, even as my blood poured onto the wooden floor the only thought that continuously echoed within my mind....I failed.
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roshie

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Male Number of posts : 39
Age : 27
Location : mars
Registration date : 2009-08-05

PostSubject: Re: My hollowfication (Part 2)   Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:24 am

exam kinda ruined my flow from part 1 - part 2 but i tried to get back on the same wavelength as best i could Smile

(sorry, it's a bit long)
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Yorudan

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Age : 29
Location : US of A
Registration date : 2009-09-19

PostSubject: Re: My hollowfication (Part 2)   Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:14 pm

Here's what I'm liking so far about your character. He's the only one that I can say it makes sense to become a strong hollow so quickly. Where as everyone else has characters that were born in common era your character lived and died in an era where emperors and king's still ruled their respective lands. I love that XD
I like how he's so loyal to those he's fighting for.

Your grammar is lacking and not really up to par. But I guess it's to be expected because you did tell me that you were pretty much out of it while writing this.

Your imagery needs a lot of work as does your eloquence. But I like the flow of your story.


Ehh first person kinda annoys me but I won't deduct for that.

8 EXP afro

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Yorudan
Level 2
EXP 12/50
Unseated Officer
Age: 42
Shikai:  Saihoushi , Shitateya, Cut the strings that fasten...
-Spirit-
hp 20
reiatsu 20
-Body-
strength 5
agility 7
endurance 0
reiatsu control 0
-Skills-
swordsmanship 12
unarmed 0
kido 0
shunpo 0
"To truly master your blade, your mind must be sharper than the edge of your instrument."
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My hollowfication (Part 2)
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