A funny joke

I dont think that joke any good hm here some I have fond off a site



Radio Conversation

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY’S ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


The Boyfriend and the Pharmacist

One day, this girl said to her boyfriend, “Hey, I want you to come over for dinner tonight and meet my parents. Then I want you to make love to me.”
And the boy says, “Okay.”
So the boy goes to a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Hey, I’m going over to my girlfriend’s house for dinner to meet her parents tonight and then we’re gonna have sex. But I’ve never had sex before, so what should I know?”
So the pharmacist tells him everything he needs to know about sex and stuff, and then he asks him if he wants a six-pack of condoms, a twelve-pack, or the family size.
“I better take the family size. I think I’m gonna be pretty busy tonight.”

So the boy goes over to his girlfriend’s house, and they all sit down to dinner after introductions. The boy says, “Hey, let’s say grace, everybody.”

So everyone bows their heads and the boy starts saying grace. After five minutes, he’s still saying grace. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. After twenty minutes, the girl leans over and says, “I didn’t know you were this religious.”
The boy replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist.”


Killing Time at Wal-Mart

Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/friend is taking their
sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms/tampons and randomly put them in peoples carts
when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
‘Code 3’ in housewares ….. and see what happens.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on
layaway.

5. Move a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

8. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and
pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk
if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
“Mission Impossible” theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using
different size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say
“PICK ME!”

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the
fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

( And last ~ but not least!)

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while;
and, then, yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

more jokes

Giraffe, Monkey, Lion, and Squirrel
There was a VERY tall coconut tree once. IT WAS SOO TALL LIKE TALLER THAN A HOUSE!!! wow! so anyway, there was one banana left on the tree and a lion, a monkey, a giraffe, and a squirrel decided to have a competition to see which one would get to it first. so… do you pick the:
Giraffe?
Monkey?
Lion?
Squirrel?

If you picked the:
Giraffe: You are incredibly stupid!
Squirrel: You were born with no brain!
Lion: What were you thinking? Definately not!
Monkey: Yea right… real smart. NOT!

Real answer: Bananas on a coconut tree? what planet
do you live on??


The Bear And The Squirrel
A Male bear and a Male squirrel were walking in a forest one day when they both spot a magic lamp. they both quickly rush over to it and both grab it at the same time, as they were arguing over who saw it first and who should have it a genie popped out and said “Look you both found the lamp and you both touched the lamp at the same time which means i have to grant both of you three wishes”

So the bear goes “I wish that everyone on this planet was a bear apart from that squirrel”. “Done” replies the genie”

The squirrel says “I wish i had a go-kart”. “done” the genie replies

The bear then says “I wish all of the bears in this world were female apart from me”. “done” the genie replies

The squirrel then requests “I wish i could have a helmet”. “Done” the genie replies

The Bear then says, “i wish that every female bear was attracted to me”. “done” the genie replies”

The squirrel replies “I wish he was gay”



First do no harm
So this guy is heading into his doctor’s office. Just as he’s about to enter, the door SLAMS open and a nun runs out screaming.

He’s a little baffled and concerned but proceeds in anyways. He gets inside and see’s the doctor. He asks, “What happened with her? Bad news?”

The doctor replies, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Is she?”

“No, but it sure cured her hiccups.”




A Blonde Moment

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”


Double Decker Bus
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlanta.

The brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is partying having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, “What the heck’s going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”

One of the blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says, “YEAH, BUT YOU’VE GOT A DRIVER!”

a horny husband helps his wife setup a password for a computer. he types: MYDICK. she fell on the floor laughing when it said ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH

to funny

LOL, I find these FML jokes hilarious.

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
^: LOL. I feel sorry for the guy it happened to...

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

^: AHAHAHAHA. I don't feel sorry for this girl. Girls < games Although imo, either way, they both mean a lot to me. xD

I'm sure everyone knows where to get these from, but if not, here you go: http://www.fmylife.com/